Elise B.

I Have

I have died a thousand deaths. So many deaths that I no longer know who I am or who I was...I am not sure if I ever knew who I was and did I need to know?

I look at the little girl that i cannot remember and it makes no sense that she was...who was she and what did she need?  where is she now?  is she still waiting?  Her smile is sweet and innocent.  I can't remember her, but someone must have known her.

I look right through myself to see the other side of the mystery and pause with wonder about what this trick is I play on myself...thinking there ever was a someone to know, someone who existed, someone who exists.

If I cross over, do you promise you will be there waiting for me?

Heart Pages Etc.

Here's a picture of our kitty Morris, a page one of the participants of my Heart book made and the back cover I made for the book...

Envelope Round Robin and Heart Book Photos

I thought I would share what I am up to with you all...just in case you want to see.

First, I am in an Envelope Round Robin where 11 of us are passing an envelope to add to and pass along until they get back to their original owner...

It is a lot fo fun and I am finding that this is how I want to create.  I get so bored so easily that I am finding it harder and harder to be in trades or fatbooks where we make several pages or items that are the same- production line work is not my gig let me tell you...

Here are some photos of the Envelopes after I got my hands on them

I hope the owners of these envelopes enjoy what I did...

And...Here are some photos of the "Heart" Book that I am Hosting for Portland Art & Soul...These items will show up somewhere as part of the finshed book...Enjoy the photos.

Where Did The Baby Cries Go?

For the last few days we have had a Cardinal husband and wife team here at 22 West River Street...they had been so talkative that they became a part of our daily conversation...we watched them and wondered what they were so desparate to tells us...they simply never stopped talking until sundown...

Two days ago we heard the little babies...so sweet...then we understood...they were getting ready for their little ones and were working to keep the Predators distracted from the nest.

The baby sounds could be heard all through our house and it was sheer joy to listen...

Today I have not heard or seen either mother or father- at all- nothing- quiet- too quiet...worse...there are no little baby sounds anymore.

I am so worried that a neighborhood cat, or worse, our cat, destroyed the nest...we also have visits from hawks quite often when the little birds get plentiful...we've seen them swoop down a few times..it's quite startling....

Right now I am worried...mostkly worried that I am going to have to know they are gone- someone's prey..and that is going to be too much...I know...and i will have no choice but to feel it and grieve our little babies that cried so sweet for their mother to come...

The Trees are Talking...

I went to Dale Goldstein's annual Retreat in Austin last year.  He usually asks us to go out in Nature at a particular part in the Retreat to do a Vision Quest. 

Dale really is wonderful at taking us through and preparing us spiritually for this quest...I will not tell you what he does so that if you attend you can be surprised and the experience will be more powerful for you.

What I will do is tell you what the trees told me...here it is:

-Focus your energy only on what you can change or on projects where you can make a difference.

-Nature is always aware of us- smiling at us, inviting us to join the dance.

-Be still and Flexible

-Trust the Universe and grow towards the Sun

-Stay grounded and take in Nourishment

-Be patient and allow the Unfolding

-Dance where you are.

-Be Present...you do not have to speak to be heard

-Take care of yourself while being gentle with others

-Don't judge yourself...you had it right all along.  Now, allow yourself the space to return.

-What is not grounded must be protected until it is grounded

-We, as humans, are Stewards to this earth and its animals...

-Create a home that embraces this way of being.

I could see that the flowers, trees and bushes love us and want us to know them...there was a palpable feeling that they live in happiness, right where they are, and are always eagerly waiting for us to see.

The Austin area is a wonderful place for this Northerner to Retreat...it is very special to me and I long to be there again some day.

Elise B.

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A Sacred Container

I love books...i can remember in grade school we could order books from a catalog every so often...I could not wait for those opportunities and my mom and dad always made room in the family budget for me to buy what I wanted.  My favorite from memory is "An Old Lady Who Ate A Fly ("i guess she'll die"!)or something like that...my memory isn't what it used to be these days...but I still remember to love books of all kinds, shapes and sizes.

I went to a Retreat recently where I took a class offered by Juliana Coles...one of the first things she said to us is that a book is a Container, A Sacred Space...that is when I finally understood why books have an energy to them that attracts me...

Opening a book is a Ritual for me...I open a book and listen for the slight crack the spine makes, I feel the texture of the pages, I see the words and images and smell the pages...a sensual experience that feeds my soul and brings a smile into my heart.

I have a very few special books that make my heart pound so fast that I cannot look at them for very long...I need to take them in little by little and savor the thought of the next visit...I get to do this ritual all over again and the excitement of what the next few pages bring keeps me energized for days...

I am sharing photos of a book I received as a gift from Dale Goldstein...he is the Author and Richard Wehrman is the fabulous Illustrator...this is a book that I am taking in slowly and experiencing completely...it cannot be done in one sitting...my heart would explode!  

This Collaboration is more a work of Art and a Labor of Love than a book, but because it shares the attributes of a book it is that much more special to me personally...A Container of Love, Truth and Commitment to a Way of Being in this World...

Here are the photos I am choosing to share...please click on them to view them fully.

The Wisdom of No Escape

While looking for a wonderful book by Pema Chodrin to recommend to a friend ("When Things Fall Apart"), I came across Stephen Levine's "A Year To Live" and promptly turned to the chapter titled "Fear of Fear"...as I continued looking, I came across "The Wisdom of No Escape" by Pema Chodrin...it soon became apparent to me that i was really searching for myself...

I am consumed with fear most of the time. Although I think I hide it well from most people...I cannot hide from myself.

I have been working on a piece I call "The Bumps, Bruises and Beauty of being a Woman...it is pictured here... (please click on the photos to see more detail...). I love to use swirls and dots in my work, but I recently became captivated by the way Misty Mawn anchors her swirls with a wide and secure base then allows the swirls to move freely and wildly if they want to (click on "Misty" to meet her...some of her artwork is displayed in the background of my photos)...It struck me that I love the Spirit of this symbol the way Misty presented it and what it means to me in my personal work right now...I want to find that center in me that is strong, wild, free...that wise woman that has a firm foundation but has not forgotten how to reach for the stars and mingle in that place where she originated and will, one day, return...hopefully more enlightened and loving and forgiving...

Here is a quote from Pema that I took in this morning to help me return to myself...

"There's a common misunderstanding among all the human beings who have ever been born on the earth that the best way to live is to try to avoid pain and just try to get comfortable.  You can see this even in insects and animals and birds.  All of us are the same.

A much more interesting, kind, adventurous, and joyful approach to life is to begin to develop our curiosity, not caring whether the object of our inquisitiveness is bitter or sweet.  To lead a life that goes beyond prettiness and prejudice and always wanting to make sure everything turns out on our terms, to lead a more passionate, full and delightful life than that, we must realize that we can endure a lot of pain and pleasure for the sake of finding out who we are and what this world is, how we tick and how our world ticks, how the whole thing just is.  If we're committed to comfort at any cost, as soon as we come up against the least edge of pain, we're going to run: we'll never know what's beyond that particular barrier or wall or fearing thing."

She goes on from here, but I think we all get the point by now in this message that running keeps us small, afraid and "small v" vulnerable, as opposed to "Capital V" VULNERABLE (which is powerful and strong because we have all of ourselves and can stay with ourselves no matter what- we can always be completely honest and take responsibility for anything that comes along because we know our "Big V" truth).  Capital V vulnerable is being able to open to anything that comes along without having to be defensive or apologetic...we know who we really are and no one can destroy it...

I am aware of the running I do and I have made a commitment to myself to stop, slow down and see what is under that fear...

Thanks for listening to me and please look at my photo album and other messages from previous posts!

Elise B.

Treasure

Here are some photos of pieces I have made that I want to share...my photography skills are limited, so please bear with me...you may want to click on the photos to enlarge them so you can actually see my stuff... well, this is a photo of a piece I made for Dale Goldstein, my spiritual guide/teacher...I am having trouble downloading my A&S photos...I will keep trying...this is a favorite piece...very spontanious based on my love for Dale and his life's work...meet Dale at HWI

"heart" fatbook

Here is what I received from Jerilynn, one of the participants in this collaboration...

I WOULD LOVE IT IF SOME OR ALL OF YOU WOULD COME FORWARD TO GIVE US SOME PERSONAL BACKGROUND SO WE CAN MEET EACH OTHER HERE.

Thought I'd give you a little information about myself.  I consider myself more of a crafter rather than an artist.  BUT, I do have my moments and have made some fabulous items in classes with some awesome instructors.  I used to make cute country crafts and set up booths at many a craft show.  Doing that led me to doing tole painting and incorporating that into my shows which took me to making dolls.  I did my majority of craft shows for the four years living in the Phoenix, AZ area and then moving to Albuquerque, NM and living and loving it there just under ten years.  Then my husbands job brought us here to gorgeous and wonderful Oregon where I have not done one craft show since moving here but have been exposed to all kinds of fun and interesting media that they call art.  So many techniques and supplies.  My passion is paper.  I love paper crafts.  Scrapbooking is OK but I don't enjoy just making pages I do my scrapbooking in the form of hand made mini albums and journals.  I love rubber stamping and card making and that is my big passion.  I have been married for 23 years this August and I have two living daughters who are both fabulous young ladies.  I can honestly say that my girls are as close to being perfect as they can get.  I don't know what I did right but they are my greatest accomplishment.  My oldest daughter will be 21 this year and she is an English teacher major just finishing her second year of college with a 4.0 GPA.  She just found out this week that she won a scholarship that she didn't even know she was being considered for.  My second daughter is turning 13 in June.  She is my quiet laid back one.  I have to say she is the laziest kid.  She just doesn't understand the concept of "cleaning up her room".  There is no more places to hide anything in her room anymore.  Everything is spilling out from under the bed, the closet and all the drawers.  Her one great accomplishment is that she just received her second degree black belt in Tai Kwon Do and I do love to brag about that because I am jealous that she can achieve such an accomplishment at her age.


Thanks again.

I look forward to meeting you in Portland at Art and Soul!!

Jeri Olson

Procrastinating Doing Our Taxes

Marty would have a fit if he knew I was not doing our taxes right now...let's just keep it our little secret...

I am taking a stab at adding photos to this post...let's see how I do... 

oooohhhhh!!  I did it!

Let me  explain this to you...these are some of my favorite things...My Chinese rice scoops and measuring containers...bought on the Cape...our favorite place...a little heart book I made, Misty's beautiful artwork in the background, peeking out...AND the house I made...you're going to have to click on the photo to see what's in it!  I don't know how to make it bigger...i tried, but it gets all fuzzy!  I really suck at this technical stuff!  I am a really great Accountant though!

Let me know how I did...next I want to learn how to add Links and Favorite books, Cd's etc. to recommend...and then, I really would love to know how to highlight key word to take you to other's weblogs- like, Misty, for example, has a wonderful weblog...If I can learn how to do it, you could just click on her name and go right to her!  Well, for another day...now  I MUST do those taxes!